5 WILDEST TRANSFORMERS STORYLINES EVER
5 WILDEST TRANSFORMERS STORYLINES EVER
John-Paul Bove takes us on a journey through some of the weirdest Transformers plots ever. So sit back, strap in, as well roll out...
Over the course of 35 years, Transformers stories have spanned galaxies, travelled to the future and the past, showed the epic scale of their war, and followed the struggle of good versus evil. The franchise has endured because of the quality of its storytelling and the richness of characters, so after more than three decades of popularity it’s inevitable that some unusual detours were taken along the way.
So here are five wacky plots that have made their way to the comics or small screen.
That time the Decepticons tried to conquer the world through the power of disco (Auto-Bop, 1985)
The Autobots get suspicious when the conspicuously named nightclub “Dancitron” opens and its patrons include uniformed garbage workers, and women in curlers and dressing gowns. It turns out Soundwave is using the place to hypnotise them! Though as they would only get hypnotised after they went in, it raises the question as to why they were turning up in their dressing gowns in the first place… What really matters, though, is why the Decepticons are hypnotising people. Turns out it’s so humans can be used as labour to build an office block. But surely not just any office block? Oh, it actually is just an office block. Perhaps Lord Megatron wanted to be Landlord Megatron?
That time Transformers became professional wrestlers (The Interplanetary Wrestling Championship!, 1989)
Seeking to put out some positive PR for the Autobots, Roadhandler appears on a TV talk show where he is challenged by a human guest to a wrestling match. Considering it a matter of honour, Roadhandler accepts. As he is a Micromaster Transformer he'ss only 8-feet tall and made of metal, so a wrestling match with a human is odd in every conceivable way. Through the renowned, noble medium of wrestling matches, Roadhandler manages to inspire a large fanbase to believe in the Autobots and even starts teaching a kids self-defence class. Ultimately, the Decepticons get involved; kidnapping Roadhandler’s fan club and threatening to harm them unless he throws a match. Imagine the horror if the outcome of a wrestling match was staged in some way!
That time the Decepticons opened a beach resort… (Club Con!, 1988)
Some might feel that a group of giant robots with a scant regard for human life opening a holiday resort is somewhat nonsensical but is actually a cover. It’s a fake island set at the top of a gigantic undersea base and spaceship. Bafflingly, the holidays themselves are real and even everyone’s favourite traitorous lieutenant, Starscream, is acting as transport to and from the island. Can you get Air Miles for travelling on an F-15? And how crazy would you have to be to book a holiday from a Decepticon in the first place? Unless the drinks were included, I guess?
The holiday resort is designed to distract from the real Decepticon plan: to discover the location of an ancient energy source, the details of which are stored on two Autobots who came to Earth hundreds of years ago, but somehow have the forms of 1980s cassette tapes; cassette tapes that were discovered by 18th Century pirates and then lost when their ship sank. At least that’s the story Buster Witwicky told which adds to the “free drinks” theory. As odd as this storyline was, it immediately led on to “The Underbase Saga” which is one of the strongest arcs in the series.
That time the Decepticons opened a hypnotic car wash (Buster Witwicky and the Car Wash of Doom, 1987)
What is it with Decepticons and hypnotism? In fairness this story wears its pulpy roots on its sleeve, with the title Buster Witwicky and the Carwash of Doom. This time, the plan is to brainwash anyone using their car washes into obeying their bidding - specifically to fetch fuel for the Transformers. For beings who are famously inorganic they do seem to know a lot about the workings of the human brain...
That time a Decepticon became a movie star (Monstercon from Mars, 1988)
The famed robots in disguise added an extra gimmick late on in the G-1 toyline, with a robot form that could be concealed inside a shell thus creating another layer of disguise. If, like Skullgrin, your shell is 50 feet tall and has the face of a giant monstrous goat skull then blending in is still going to be a challenge. With a face that only a mother could love, Skullgrin ends up being discovered and booked to be the star of a monster movie. Like so many Hollywood careers his fame was cut short by an angry, electricity-channeling superhero trying to destroy him, and ultimately trashing the set. A tale as old as time.
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